Expectations.

Everyone has his or her own expectations for certain things. In my case: I had my own expectations for this placement (Obs & Gynae). Before I even started this new year and embarked on my specialty placements, I had already made up my mind about some of the specialties. And I have once again been proven wrong and again shouldn't be making judgments before even starting a specialty. You would think I would learn by now not to judge so early. Before I started O&G I constantly told myself that it is going to be my worst placement ever and I will truly hate it. I was not looking forward to it. I even marked it on my calendar as: "Ugh." To make things short, I had extremely low expectations for O&G. And you know what, sometimes I like being proven wrong. Don't get me wrong I have respect for the specialty, it just never clicked with me. You get this whole: "Awkwardddd women's health...it's going to be weeeirdddd!". I think in general anything that deals with bits downstairs is a whole taboo subject.

So I went back to my archives and read up on my blog post that I typed up before starting the specialty:

"My next placement is Obstetric and Gynaecology. I'm actually really scared for this as I don't really know what to expect as well. Should be interesting as I'll definitely be able to go to theatre (YES!); however, it'll be dealing with quite a sensitive subject so I'll definitely need to change from being playful in Paeds to professional for this specialty. Hopefully I'll be able to compose myself and try to enjoy this specialty as much as I can. First I'll need to go to a week of lectures before commencing my placement. I much rather having lectures first before going to placement as at least I'll have some basic knowledge prior to going to the hospital so I won't look like an idiot in front of the doctors. I also hope I'll have a really nice/easy going/chill supervisor. My last supervisor on paediatrics was very easy-going, which made the placement much more enjoyable. Crossing my fingers that I'll be just as lucky this time with Obs+Gyn. Another 7 weeks of Obs+Gyn and then Easter Holiday! I can't wait for holiday. To be honest...I kinda need one now!"

I really can't blame myself for being scared as it is a sensitive subject, but in terms of changing my behaviour from playful to professional was something I was a bit unsure about as I'm naturally a "happy-go-lucky" so I was a bit nervous for that change. Thinking back through the last few weeks, I haven't had so much fun on placement. Even more fun than my paediatric placement. Yes I have to be professional and build a good rapport with patients to talk about more sensitive things, but I realized that if I'm having a good time, the rapport comes naturally and you as a person become a bit more easier to approach and get along with. In paeds I was told that it was "written all over me" that I was not enjoying my placement. For this placement, yes I went in knowing I'll hate it, but I really wanted to make sure that I didn't make it obvious that I'm not enjoying the attachment. Because I went in with such low expectations I was open for anything and had little expectations. This actually helped me be a bit more welcome to anything and I think a lot of the staff and my supervisor could see that. I was even told by the nurses that some of the patients thought I was a "breath of fresh air" as I was always smiling on the wards and just enjoying my time. A patient told me that most of the staff look bored, but I look interested and just trying to have fun. Because in my last placement in paeds I looked super bored, it was probably the main reason it took me a bit longer to get to know the staff and interact with the patients.

And I can't really call it luck anymore with getting a nice/easy going/chill supervisor. I've said it before, but at the end of the day, a consultant/supervisor is a person as well. Yes they too have expectations for me and I try to meet their expectations, but because they are also people, you can certainly have some good banter with them. I got to know my supervisor and probably saw my supervisor the most out of the rest of my group so I guess he got to know me better than the others. Definitely made the attachment more enjoyable as I could feel that my supervisor genuinely cared about my learning and it's also nice to get to know your supervisor as it'll keep my blood pressure and heart rate from shooting through the roof whenever I see him. In some placements I would purposely avoid my supervisor just to avoid getting told off/being quizzed. For this placement, I didn't mind bumping into my supervisor on the ward or even in the corridors. I think we also had a "mutual understanding". He knew what my personality is like and what sort of student I am so he didn't form unrealistic expectations for me so that put me at ease and allowed me to feel comfortable in the hospital.  Again it is a two-way process. I know when my supervisor didn't want to see me and I guess I'm fairly good at telling when I can be cracking jokes. I guess it is a skill I definitely cherish as like I said I'm a "happy-go-lucky" and a bit of a prankster/joker who is quite cheeky as well...so I definitely need to know where to draw my line with each person.

All in all, I think this attachment has worked out really well and essentially exceeded my expectations. I have definitely gained a heck lot more respect for the specialty and it has definitely changed my view on the specialty. It really ain't that bad at the end of the day. The doctors are also pretty cool people as well so it was good. The hospital was great as well and was really good at making sure medical students are learning and interacting. Following a doctor around is one thing, but being able to assist and do things is a whole other ball game that makes your attachment so much better. This could be the very last time I'll be doing O&G for the rest of my career, but hey if I do get a rotation in it in the future, I won't mind doing it again. Hate to say this, but this is easily the best placement I have ever had so far. Who would've thought I would be saying this 7 weeks later. I wish all my placements can be this good. Now I'm scared about my future attachments as this placement has set the bar so high. How can I go back to just following a doctor around? How can I go back to standing in theatre not scrubbed in and peering over the surgeon's shoulder? Will I get along with my next supervisor how I got along with my supervisor now? What are my expectations for my next placements now?

Thank you for proving me wrong and giving me the best 7 weeks of my medical degree. What a placement. Damn. Can't believe it is over. The one time I am dreading for the end of a placement. I guess one good thing about this is that I finally get a much needed 3 week holiday.

Side note: Will be on holiday for the next 3 weeks and I, most likely, will not be posting as I really need a break. Sorry! 

Planning Ahead.

I would like to think I am fairly good at planning ahead. I am quite a simple person and fairly straight forward, but few know that I actually think quite a bit about the future. Being an international student, you have to think about the future.  We try our best to not think about the future as anything can happen, but we also have to be ready for anything unexpected. My biggest advice to international students (no matter how confident you are about staying in the UK) is to have a backup plan. What happens if the UK government decide to throw us a curve ball and change the immigration/Visa rules? What happen if you suddenly have to return home due to family issues? And if you're not planning on staying in the UK, you really got to plan when to take the registry exams such as USMLE. It pains me when I see international students not having a single clue what they'll be doing in a few years time. Unfortunately it isn't a straight path for international students, let it be staying in the UK or going back home. Either way it won't be easy and you will have to make sacrifices. Anyways enough with the grim outlook for international students. It isn't all that bad to be honest. It's just that you have to constantly remind yourself you are an international student and it isn't a simple straight path. There will be many obstacles to cross and many walls to climb. It isn't easy, but hopefully it'll be all worth it in the end.

Anyways enough with the weird banter paragraph above. Maybe I should put the beer away. Haha. If you guys read my last post carefully, I did not talk about Friday. No I didn't have lectures...and no I did not go into placement. Then you must assume I was skiving. No I wasn't skiving either...well I wouldn't consider it skiving because I was actually doing something productive. I had a meeting with an Orthopaedic consultant at the central hospital to discuss about my Student Selected Component (SSC) project for this coming May.  The last time I met the consultant, I fell asleep in the chair and he had to wake me up...great first impression. Luckily it didn't really affect him as he was willing to see me again. He was actually quite keen to be my supervisor for my SSC and to mentor me. This time prior to meeting him, I made sure I was not going to fall asleep. I heard him come out from his office so I made sure I didn't look like I was dozing off...to be honest I was zoning out as all I did was stare at the wall. I had to wait for awhile as I was 30 minutes early for the meeting as I messed up on my travel timing so I was quite tired. Went into the office to discuss what I will be doing for my 6 week SSC project. We did a lot of brainstorming and came up with quite a few ideas.  Either this consultant is smart or was prepared to discuss about my SSC as he was rapid firing ideas at me. Unfortunately, I kept zoning out as to be fair...I did not understand half the things he mentioned. He was talking about the different type of implants used in Orthopaedics, and obviously I have never heard of the brands. He talked to me like I knew all the brands so you could imagine I was very lost. When I get lost...I zone out. It's a horrible trait I have. As he went on, he realized he should write down what I will be doing. He set out a bunch of aims and wanted me to expand on it and give it a think. He filled up half a page with notes on the aims of my project (looking at implants). I quickly put the paper away in my bag without looking at the paper.

And then I perked up as the consultant mentioned that during my project he wants to do some clinical things with me. I told him that I got to observe a few trauma surgeries and paeds orthopaedic surgeries over the last few weeks. He ended up throwing a curve-ball at me and told me that it is good that I'm making the effort and be keen to go see these things, BUT the difference is that when I follow him I will be scrubbing in and actually assisting. Oh man, I got so excited it was ridiculous. I immediately sat up straight and couldn't stop smiling. Scrubbing in and assisting = music to my ears. Finally I get the chance to get my hands in and do something that I am interested in. He also went on how I will be able to do some stitching (heart sank a bit as the last time I learned stitching was a year ago). Now, I was very excited about my SSC and the consultant surely knows how to make a student happy.

After the meeting I quickly went home and took out the paper that he wrote on. To my demise, I could not make out half the things he wrote. I regretted zoning out and I should've remembered doctors do not write legibly.  Took me ages to decipher what the consultant wrote. In the end, I figured out most of the things he wrote as I vaguely remembered the stuff he was talking about and managed to crack on with expanding on his notes. Note to self: Do NOT zone out while a consultant is talking to you. You'll regret it as you won't be able to read half the things he wrote down. Imagine if I couldn't decipher what he wrote...the embarrassment I would have to go through as I would have to email him and tell him I can't read what he wrote when I should have been paying attention during the meeting.

Anyways I'm super stoked about my SSC in May! One more meeting and a bit of paperwork before my SSC will be official. Cannot wait.