A Memorable Year.

1 year ago today, I was thankful and nervous at the same time. Last year's exam was probably the largest hurdle of my degree. I didn't do as well as I had hoped in my exam, but still managed to pass. I was incredibly thankful to be able to pass as many of my friends had failed the exam. Some of which had to repeat the year. I made a promise to myself that the year 2012 will be my comeback year. I was determined to start on the right foot and to never make the same mistakes again.

This year zoomed by. I believe I made leaps and bounds in terms of knowledge and self-confidence whilst on the wards and in clinics. I still got to give lots of credit to my placement in Orthopaedics. I cannot be more thankful to my supervisor. Even my friends have noticed that after my Orthopaedics placement, I was a different medical student. I was no longer afraid to speak up. I was no longer afraid to participate and be proactive. I realized that if you don't ask, you will never know what will happen. The worst answer you can get when asking something is "No". What is there to lose...other than a hurt ego. So one tip for all of you is to be confident. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Again, the worst someone can say is "No". If the answer is "no", just shrug and move on and don't take it personally.

As you move through the degree, Medicine slowly dominates your life and you really got to make an effort to have a social life. As the months pass and you have some free time to reflect, you realize your friends start to drift away and it may get a bit lonely at times. Medicine needs a lot of dedication, but I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to relax and take some time out. Giving yourself a break does not necessarily mean you have to go take a vacation. Taking a break is different for everyone. It may involve going to do something you enjoy or meeting up with friends, or even just spending some time at home to relax and watch TV.  I didn't realize how important it is to take a break until this year when I have finally experienced a whole year of clinical placements, one after another. Work - Life balance. I know many people in my year who are taking a year out to do a BMedSci next year, not because they want to do research, but because they have burnt out.

To top off my memorable year, just earlier today I received confirmation that I have been accepted to present a my research poster at a national conference. Really unexpected as it's quite competitive, so I'm absolutely chuffed. What a way to finish up the year!

In general, I have made many new friends, matured as a person, and gained valuable skills for the future - I think this has probably been one of my most memorable year of my medical degree. Despite the many ups and downs throughout the year, looking back - overall it has been a very good year.

Got to thank those who have made my year so memorable and those who made my experiences so much better. Cheers to 2012, bring on 2013!

Happy New Year!

End of GP Placement.

Oh how much I looked forward to typing the title to this post. It could have easily been the least brain stimulating placement I have yet to have. Not only that, I couldn't go make myself useful elsewhere unlike being in the hospital. Looking back on the last 6 weeks, it was definitely a struggle and a challenge. It was mentally draining as it was just so much harder to get the motivation to work. After throwing my arms in the air when stepping out the door of the practice...I realized I have another GP placement next year. Joy. BUT, I know it'll be more useful as I'll have my own surgery and get to see my own patients. This placement literally has redefined work experience. It was 20 days, 10 hours/day of work experience.

Also in other news - crisis averted with all the deadlines as you would remember from my "Walls Closing In" post.

1 report - completed and submitted.
1 audit report - completed awaiting for submission.
1 audit poster - 90% complete.
1 audit abstract - completed and awaiting for submission.

Cannot feel any more satisfied and proud of myself managing to get everything done in time. I think it has been a long time since I was really sure I was not going to make the deadlines.  Miracles do happen. Actually it's more like: Efficient...and very late and long nights...

Oddly enough, in my final week of GP placement, I saw the most interesting case. It was a case of a man with an end-stage disease and the GP needed to start the palliative care pathway with him. This man is quite young (40 years old). Initially when I heard about his medical history, I did not know how old is he. In my mind I imagined him to be an elderly man. Surprisingly when I went to go meet the patient, he looked frail and skinny, but young. What really struck me was that he also has two very young children (ages 8 and 3). Unfortunately, the patient has not really told his children what is wrong with him. They are aware that their father is ill, but do not know the extent of his illness. With his condition, no one really knows how many more years he will live. His condition has been progressively getting worse and the GP told the patient and his wife that there would be one day where he does a nose dive and his health severely deteriorates. We discussed the various options for support and care. In my mind I knew the GP was trying to find the right moment to bring up the "Do Not Attempt to Resuscitate" (DNAR). Eventually we had to talk about it and only until you come onto the topic you then come to realize that the patient is still in denial. To be fair, he has a young family and he himself is quite young. Worst bit is that there is no cause for his condition - as what doctors like to call it: "Idiopathic". He was adamant that he wants to be resuscitated when it comes to the end of the line despite the GP fully informing him about the benefits and harm of resuscitation. As we were talking about his palliative care plan, his children were happily running outside - no clue what is going on in the room. It was definitely a very "grim" consultation. Before leaving, the GP advised the patient to find some support for his end-stage disease and to have someone help him to explain his condition to his children as they will have to know at some point. The GP was right that it is better for him to talk to his children while he is still well and still able to versus down the road he might not be well enough to explain - leaving his children a bit puzzled.

In all fairness - my experience in GP has not been the best, but the GPs who I have worked with are all really nice people and some are great at teaching. Guess it just wasn't my "cup of tea". Had a good feedback session with my supervisor though and I suggested giving students a bit more responsibilities and letting us see our own patients. Hopefully they'll take my feedback on board as I really think it'll improve the student's experience. All in all though, 7 weeks...that was painful.

Psychiatry up next...don't really know what to expect...actually I have no clue what to expect. At least it is hospital based (in a more familiar environment). I'm sure it'll be interesting seeing these sort of patients. Hopefully it'll be better than my GP placement and get back to the happy-go-lucky medical student.

Barriers and Professionalism?

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! To be honest though the placement went by a lot faster than I thought. I can't really complain about the length of it as I'm only in 3 days/week. Obviously knowing that the placement is coming to an end and going back home for holiday is getting near - my mood has definitely been a lot better. Plus the weather is an added bonus. Finally summer is here...hopefully it'll last for more than 1 week.

Had a pretty straight forward short week (in for 2.5 days). Not much really happened, but I was placed with GPs who were more keen to get me involved and doing stuff, which was good. Did ONE (wowwww) consultation on an "unwell" child who was more miserable than anything. It was a fairly straight forward case as the child had a general viral illness and just needed a lot of TLC. I did get to go out with a district nurse which was good as it got me out from the practice. Visited 5 patients and went to their homes. Personally I still find it a bit uncomfortable to be in other peoples' homes. Maybe it's the way I was brought up or culture difference, but I feel very intrusive when going to someone's home and sitting down and making myself comfortable.

The nurse took me to an elderly couple's home who she knew quite well as she visits them almost every week for monitoring. The couple were immigrants and seemed to be quite private and quiet. Obviously noticing that when first meeting them, I instantly felt a bit hesitant entering their home as a complete stranger and at the end of the day - I am just a medical student. Seeing how they are, I obviously waited for them to ask me to sit down before making myself comfortable, but what really surprised me was the nurse's behaviour. I guess since she has known them much longer, she didn't feel the need to be more professional. As I sat down, the nurse was already walking towards the kitchen and asking at the same time to turn on the kettle to make herself a cup of coffee. It was obvious that it was rhetorical question as she was already halfway to the kitchen. She did also ask me if I wanted tea/coffee but I politely refused. I was very confused by this as the nurse was happily making herself at home, using the couple's kitchen and coffee/tea supplies, etc. I personally found it a bit rude, but then again I don't know how well she knows the couple. I would never use a patient's facilities and no matter how well I know them, I would never make myself comfortable in their home. I feel like it's just a professionalism thing more than anything else. At the end of the day, they are my patients and I need to treat them as patients to maintain the professional doctor-patient relationship...or in this case nurse-patient relationship. I guess in general nurses are a lot better with maintaining good relationships with patients and come across much more empathetic and kind. Not only did I feel very uncomfortable in the patient's home, the nurse was taking her sweet time to make herself comfortable and making her coffee, leaving me alone with the couple. It was nice talking to them, but at the end of the day - we were there to go over their blood-sugar diaries and just seeing how they are doing. What could be done very quickly...ended up being a fairly long ordeal (about 30-45 minutes). I don't like to make things take longer than they do. I do understand these are house-bound couples, but I feel like by taking so long to do a job may be interrupting their day. As an outsider - I want to make my visit as quick as possible so they can return to their activities. So again the whole making yourself comfortable in someone else's home was puzzling. Even better, the nurse went to use the couple's bathroom...which again made me raise an eyebrow. If I needed to use the toilet, I would've went before the visit, or hold it and go somewhere else to use the facilities.

If we flipped it around and a nurse/worker or whatever had to come to my home once a week to do some checks...I personally wouldn't want this person to make themselves comfortable in my home. Maybe I'm just a private person or how I have been brought up. I don't mind friends/people who I know well to come over and make themselves at home, but when professionals/workers come...I wouldn't be as comfortable with them making themselves at home. I see them as someone who is here to do a job - not to socialize and I wouldn't expect/want them to break down that barrier of professionalism.

Just found it a bit interesting and wanted to share that experience.

Old Age.

Had quite a weird week...weird as in a week which really made me change my perspective on things.

I got to go visit a nursing home for people with dementia. I had previously volunteered in a nursing home before medical school but I didn't work with patients with dementia. I went to visit a 75 year old man who has vascular dementia and had just moved to this new home. The nursing staff were worried about him as he had spent the entire night pacing up and down the hallways continuously for 15 hours non-stop. I went into his room and sat down in front of him. His room was fairly small. One single bed. One small wardrobe in the corner. 1 night stand. 1 cabinet. This man just sat in his chair, hunched over. He wore a baseball cap so I couldn't see his face. As he sat there I saw him dribbling on to the floor. It was almost like he wasn't even there and was staring at his shadow. I looked over to his night stand and saw 2 pictures of him and his family. In the pictures, he was middle-aged and appeared to be a very proud man. He stood in the pictures full of confidence. He looked very happy. Then I looked back at the patient, still dribbling and staring at the ground. He looked quite frail. I eventually said hello to him and he didn't reply. I moved his hat a bit so I could see his face. He still stared at the ground. I asked him what is his name and he replied me without looking up. I tried to carry out a very basic conversation with him, which proved difficult as midway through he started mumbling. I couldn't quite understand him and he quickly stood up. He walked to his wardrobe and was very unsteady on his feet. He had a very unbalanced waddling gait. I asked him where is he going and he replied: "Home". I kindly told him this is his home and to sit down again. As he came back to his seat I looked into his eyes and he didn't look happy. He didn't really even look like the man in the picture by his bed. As he sat down, he went back to staring at the ground and stopped talking to me. I just sat there looking at him. I thought to myself: Is this how residents here pass their day? I found it pretty sad as they just sit in a fairly tiny room. This particular man, if he isn't pacing up and down the hallway, he is sat in his chair almost lifeless. Really made me think that people need to live their life to the fullest. Appreciate the things and people around them. I felt bad for this man. His life seemed pointless. He was confused. Ageing is a scary thing. Just comparing this man to the man in the pictures - it is almost like night and day.

Then when I went back to the GP practice, I met another lady who desperately needed a total hip replacement. Her x-rays showed severe osteoarthritis (OA) as in it was bone on bone. The patient had a shortened right leg as well due to the OA. On palpation of the greater trochanter...it felt like you were running your hand over a bag of marbles. You could feel the osteophytes! Range of movement was severely decreased and the patient had pain on extension and flexion. Actually any movement made the patient jump. It was fairly remarkable that she doesn't need to use any aids to walk, but you can tell she is struggling. Unfortunately, the surgeons do not want to operate on her due to her health and as well she does not have anyone at home to look after her. She told me that she has outlived her entire family and there was no one left. She explained to me that she tries her best to get through the day, but usually just stays at home to avoid any hassle and because her hip hurts too much. She has tried all sorts of analgesics and even tried topical treatments (which doesn't work, which is no surprise as her hip was bone on bone). I asked her what does she do every day if she doesn't really go out. She told me she just sits there and read and told me that her life has become very boring and that there isn't much meaning to it any more. She talked about how active she was when she was young and gradually as her hip got worse, she couldn't go out for walks in the park or even do her gardening.

If you think about it, when I start reaching the peak of my career, the majority of my patients will be the elderly. In general the population would be quite old as the current generation of "baby boomers" are starting to reach retirement age. I think it is key for medical students to learn how to deal with the elderly. It is frustrating to hear students go: "I don't like old people. I hate talking to them." I sometimes can't help but say back to them: "Well start liking it as the population ain't getting any younger." I'm sure I have said this before,  but I quite enjoy talking to the elderly. They always have a great story to tell or have some pretty wise things to say to you. They are all so strong as they have been through so much. They seriously need a heck load more respect from people of my generation and the younger generations. Ageing is the fact of life and there isn't any way to avoid it (well unless something really tragic happens to you at a young age...). Sometimes it is just hard to see what the future lies for you when you see so many elderly patients.

Just Need to Ask.

As you have all realized, I am not enjoying my GP placement as I haven't really gotten to do anything hands-on. Learning is minimal and I essentially just sit the day away. Last week, I requested to sit in with a GP who has a special interest in MSK. Finally got a schedule I could smile about. I was placed in a surgery where majority of the patients came in with MSK complaints. Then my next day was placed in the hospital (oh how much I miss the hospital environment) to shadow a physiotherapist.

Because I am so sick of sitting around, I finally opened my mouth and asked if I could do joint examinations.  The GP was more than happy to allow me to examine and started introducing me as the "Student doctor with a special interest in muscles and bones." Clinic for once actually went by quickly and was fairly enjoyable. Then I decided to ask the physio on my next day if I could participate and get involved. She was also more than happy to allow me. The physio had a special interest in upper limbs while I am interested in lower limbs. It was good for me as I am obviously missing quite a bit of knowledge about upper limbs. I learned loads about the common injuries and presentations you see in upper limbs. I also got to work on my upper limb examination skills which involved a bit of neuro; therefore, it was a really good refresher.  It was also fun to talk to someone who knows the orthopaedic consultants in the hospital and just learn more about the other sub-specialties in orthopaedics.  I got to know about the spinal unit and the shoulder consultants and what they would usually see.

It was also cool to see what would count as an urgent referral as we had one patient who we believe to have cauda equina syndrome. Cauda Equina is essentially where your spinal cord goes further down your spinal column than most people. Most people's spinal cord terminate at L1/L2; therefore, when you do a lumbar puncture, you make sure you go below that to avoid the risk of paralysis. The patient presented with urinary retention symptoms and decreased anal tone.  He also complained of changed sensation in his genitalia region.  It was evident that he also had bi-lateral leg weakness. His symptoms fit cauda equina syndrome so we had to urgently refer him to get an MRI scan. It was also interesting because the patient was claustrophobic and he made it very clear he does not want an MRI scan. We told him that the hospital has a wider scanner so it won't be as tight, but the patient was still adamant that he doesn't want to go through a closed scanner. He allowed us to refer, but he told us that he will refuse to go in on the day. We told him there is medication that he can take before he goes in to keep him calm that he can get from his GP. I don't know why but I felt like he is still adamant that he isn't going to get the scan done and will not go get the medication from his GP. Cauda Equina Syndrome can be quite serious and need to be treated so it was a bit frustrating to see someone refusing a simple scan which can rule out cauda equina.

Then I got a bit of a reality check near the end of physio clinic. I have suffered from a shoulder injury for 5 years now, and never really bothered to take myself to see a doctor. It's a thing about medics: "Medics either go see a doctor too early, or go too late." In my case: I just never go. A shoulder patient came in who obviously needs a shoulder replacement due to OA in the shoulder. The patient had very limited range of movement and you could hear his shoulder grinding as he was abducting his arm. He explained to us that it has completely hindered his lifestyle as he can't even reach up to get things from the cupboard and it is quite painful. He then mentioned that when he was young (my age) he had a few shoulder injuries and reckons that due to those injuries - he now has pretty bad OA of his shoulder. Once the patient left, I told the physio about my shoulder and she sternly told me to go see a GP and get a referral to either physio or orthopaedics as  I am susceptible to early OA if I don't get it sorted out. Even worse, it could hinder my ability to do orthopaedics in the future as it requires a lot of strength and lifting.

To be honest, the physio is right. I've left my shoulder long enough and it is obviously not getting better. Hate being on the other side of the table as the patient.

A Mask.

This isn't a new revelation, but one that has occurred to me more during my GP placement.

I have come to realize that doctors need to put on a mask most of the time as patients come to doctors for various kinds of problems. No matter how annoyed you are about a patient or how fed up you are with your clinic, you cannot let it show. There are tons of patients out there who visit the GP 2-4x a month and I'm sure as the GP you can get frustrated/annoyed with the patient especially when they are coming in for insignificant things.  It is definitely difficult as patients expect the doctor to be professional and empathetic, but it is extremely difficult to show this when the patient themselves aren't coming in with the right intentions. I have sat in clinics where the patient is very rude and overly demanding. And as a doctor, you can't do anything about their rudeness, other than still treat them respectfully and try your best to listen. Definitely need a high tolerance level when dealing with "troublesome" patients. On the contrary, there are certainly very nice patients (usually tend to be the elderly). They are usually very respectful and always apologizing about wasting your time. These are the patients who are worth treating and you can't help but be a bit more empathetic, despite knowing that you're supposed to treat all patients with empathy and care.

However, masks are not just for GPs. As I have mentioned earlier, I have encountered it in my other placements. You would think surgeons wouldn't need to put on a mask as often, as they have a bit less patient contact. Unfortunately, surgeons have just as much face time with patients; however, the reasons of putting on a mask may be different. After a surgery and you have to break some bad news/complications about the surgery, you have to be able to put on a confident face and an appropriate mask. There isn't as much time for you to gather yourself after the operation. GPs or physicians in general would get results/bad news ahead of time so they will be ready and have time to think about how they will break the news. It is definitely a tough job as you don't want to show that much emotion when talking to patients especially after a tough case/surgery.

With clinics, you could enjoy the company of one of the patients and be laughing about something, but you have to be able to quickly return back to neutral before seeing your next patient. It can work the other way around as for one particular case, we were giving our condolences to a patient as her father had just passed away the day before and she was telling us about his death. Definitely an emotional/sad moment where you have to again put on a mask and empathize and comfort the patient. Easily within 2 minutes between patients, you have to regain your composure and be ready for the next patient as he or she can come in with anything. You certainly can't let things affect you and as well for doctors, you have to be good with moving on. You can't dwell on one particular case.

There has been arguments that doctors should not bring their outside emotions to work. Despite having a horrible morning, people argue that you shouldn't bring that grumpiness into the work place. I personally agree with that point as it isn't fair to your patients and your colleagues. I have met a few GPs who said that it is important to bring your emotions to work as you will seem more genuine. I don't mind bringing in a good mood to work, but I certainly wouldn't want to bring in grumpiness to the work place as you can easily affect your patients and colleagues. No one wants to see a grumpy doctor. In my eyes, I think my emotions should not affect my work, so even in that sense, you will have to put on a mask before coming to work especially when you're having a bad day. People argue as a doctor you should be genuine, but for me it is far more advantageous if I put on a mask for work and sort out my issues/problems when I go home/leave work.

What are your thoughts about putting on a mask for work or bringing your emotions to work?

Post your comments below!

Unreasonable.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone wrecks my lunch breaks for no reason. I don't mind missing my lunch because I am in theatre or doing something productive. Actually I don't mind if I'm in clinic and I have to delay my lunch...but what really drives me mental is when someone makes me MISS my lunch when it really didn't need to be missed.

I don't know if I am just being unreasonable or uncooperative, but essentially here's the story:

One week ago I gave notice that I have to attend a compulsory observation session at a clinic which is quite far away. I asked the secretary who does up my schedules if it will be possible for me to leave slightly earlier so I have some travel time and a time for me to eat my lunch. I was told by the secretary that it will be okay and she has left a note for the GP who I will be following in the morning.

Fast forward to today. I made sure I arrived early and kindly asked the GP if I could leave at 11am so I could go to my session at 12:30pm. Clinic usually ends at 11:30am so it wasn't like I'm asking to get off 2 hours early. It was simply just leaving 30 minutes early which is equivalent to seeing 2-3 patients. Despite seeing the note left for the GP about me leaving early, I was then given a fairly rude look and essentially was told why I can't leave after clinic (11:30am ish). Still maintaining my composure, I told the GP that I need to go home and drop off my car and then make my way to the other clinic (which has no parking hence I need to take the bus), and that I would like to have a bit of time to have some lunch as well. The drive home probably takes about 20-30 minutes depending on traffic, then another 30 minutes to travel to the other clinic. That would leave me about 30 minutes lunch break...which isn't unreasonably long. I explained this to the GP and she essentially didn't even listen and proceeded to interrupt me. She went on how I can leave at 11:30am and have my lunch on the go while traveling to the other clinic. I was obviously fuming as I do not understand what is the importance of me staying for an extra 30 minutes. Either way I just sit there and day dream as I don't do anything in clinic. I just sit and listen...and try to stay awake. I think the most annoying bit was the rude attitude the GP gave me first thing when I asked to leave early almost giving me the vibe that she's the "know it all - who are you to leave early" attitude. Hate it when people get all arrogant like that. I asked for permission a week in advance and again I'm only leaving 30 minutes early.

What also drove me mental was in the last 30 minutes of clinic....one patient needed a sick note/letter and another patient needed a wound to be checked for possible infection. Wow...that was surely useful....I couldn't help but give the GP a look of: "You seriously kept me an extra 30 minutes to see these things?!" Once the clinic was done all you could see behind me was a cloud of dust. Raced home and raced back out to clinic. No lunch. No snack. Didn't even have time to drop off my car keys. By the time I got to the other clinic...I felt like I was going to faint. I was starving and I had a smaller breakfast than usual as I thought I would be having an earlier lunch.

I mean I think the GP was being highly unreasonable and very inflexible especially when I had a valid reason and a reason which was something the medical school required me to attend. I wouldn't even care if I had to miss my lunch because an operation overran and we had to skip lunch so we will stay on time plus the consultant starves with you. I swear this GP did not help me with my experience with this placement so far. To most, if not all of you, you probably think this is such a small thing...why the heck is it bothering me so much. My tolerance for this placement is getting very thin and I am starting to really lose motivation in even putting in effort.

Dull.

If I could describe my GP placement with one word I would use the word: "Dull". Dull might even be an understatement. I have caught myself so many times zoning out during consultations. Again my frustrations are growing as I still cannot do anything in clinic. The most I can do is maybe do manual blood pressures. I guess the only thing I can take away so far from GP is the difficulty of immigrants. My practice sees a lot of immigrants and most of these people can't speak English.  You realize that it is very difficult to get a patient history and even more difficult when you have to talk to your patient through an interpreter.

We had one patient who was from Slovakia and could not speak very much English.  It was requested that an interpreter come, but he/she did not show up so the patient attempted to tell us her problem in broken English. Unfortunately, her problem was a mental health related problem so patient history is really important and there was no way we will get what is the problem as her English was not cutting it. We resorted to using the phone interpreter. I swear those things are not user friendly.  The interpreters aren't that great and it is really awkward having a phone in between the patient and you and the phone is on speakerphone so it is quite difficult to hear what the interpreter is saying.  Even weirder is that you lose a lot of rapport with the patient as both of you are trying to talk into a phone. Very confusing stuff.  After 45+ minutes (when it should've been 10 minutes), the GP gave up. It got far too complicated and too difficult to get a proper patient history. I felt like we wasted a lot of time and it obviously makes the clinic run quite behind. We asked the patient to bring an interpreter next time and you just can't help but feel a bit annoyed that you wasted 45 minutes only to get nothing accomplished.  The next few patients weren't too pleased either as clinic got quite delayed. When one patient sees that you spend 30+ minutes with one patient, they think they have the right to have 30 minutes as well and it's hard to cut people short and to keep them on topic about their medical problem/presenting complaint.  When you're running behind, the last thing you want to hear about is what the patient did on the weekend.

I have no problems admitting that GPs are extremely patient people and their job is certainly not easy.  I just feel like I would have a lot of difficulty maintaining my composure during consultations especially when it gets quite frustrating.  I do consider myself quite patient, but I guess not patient enough for GP and probably the main reason why I'm having a difficult time enjoying this placement.  Worst bit is that I still have another 5 weeks to go. Thankfully I am only in 3 days/week so my weeks won't be too long. I'll take it that I have 15 more practice days.  That doesn't sound too bad...I guess....

1 down, 6 More Weeks to Go.

What a shock to the brain. I've tried my best to prepare myself for my next attachment in General Practice....and actually had very little expectations. My main fear prior to starting my attachment was the prospect of just sitting in the corner of a clinic from 9-5pm and not really do anything practical/talk to any patients. I have never had a rotation in GP before so I am obviously out of my element. I have always been in a hospital and there are a lot of advantages of being in a hospital such as if you don't find your attachment particularly interesting/useful - you can always go to another ward/department and there will surely be someone who will be willing to teach. The problem with GP is that you are stuck in the same building and there is no where to run. I am a type of medical student who likes to venture off to find more interesting things if I find myself getting very bored. There is a sense of "freedom" in a hospital as you aren't bound to a single area for the whole day. It is seen to be acceptable for us to roam to other wards to learn about different things while we are in the hospital so no one would really notice you not being on your assigned ward (unless there is scheduled teaching). In terms of GP, it is VERY obvious if I do not turn up as I am the only student in the practice and the GPs who I am attached to can see on their own schedules that they should have me, the student, in clinic with them. Very difficult to escape.

So I had a short week...had 2 days of lecture and 2 days on placement + 1 day off. Despite only being in the GP practice for only 2 days...it still has managed to knock my motivation completely over. My last attachment in orthopaedics probably was the highlight of my degree and my motivation to work was at an all-time high. I could wake up for early morning meetings. I rarely found it boring. Just everything clicked. I was truly happy. I was hoping all the happiness and motivation I managed to build up in my orthopaedics attachment will get me through GP. Wrong. In 1 week....my motivation level is at an all-time low. I am not interested in doing anything. Can't wake up in the morning. Don't feel like doing any work. Do not feel like participating. According to my friends, I am in a horrible mood. I am actually really low at the moment. On my first day I walked in with a very open mind and told myself it will be a good change as I'll get to see various different type of conditions and get to relax a bit more.

I will certainly not dispute that GPs see a lot of different things, and actually props to them for being such patient people. Some of the patients who come through the doors really....erm....there are no words to describe it. GPs are given 10 minutes per patient...but some patients come through the door expecting to get 30 minutes and talk about everything and anything. I can obviously tell in between patients that GPs get frustrated and they have to put on a mask whenever another patient comes through the door. As a student (who is sitting in a corner), it's just painful. If the GP finds it frustrating and boring to constantly have to reassure and listen to life stories...think about the poor student sitting in the corner who can't do anything but sit and watch. There is only so much I can learn by sitting and listening. I learned from my last placement that you won't learn anything until someone pushes you into the deep end of the pool. I was very hesitant in my first week of orthopaedics to go see new patients on my own as I had never done that before...but very quickly I found it very useful and eventually became quite good with taking patient histories. I don't think you can learn communication skills by just observing. It is something you have to learn by experience and I think that by making your student sit in the corner and listen is not very productive/a good way for he/she to learn.

I personally think that medical students can actually be very useful if used correctly. At the moment I feel like an old piece of furniture which isn't being used. I literally just sit there and watch. I don't even get to interact with the patient. I just try my best to not fall asleep and smile. I don't want to look not interested in what GPs do so I have to put on a face. I was so bored in my morning clinic today that I was desperate enough to offer to get things for the GP or make him a cup of coffee/tea, but nope...was told everything is fine and to just sit there. I haven't been so frustrated with a placement in a long time. I mean paediatrics wasn't my most favourite placement....but at least I was in a hospital where I was given the freedom to walk around and go to other wards...go see other things. I feel trapped at the moment. How am I going to survive next week. I don't get how I'll stay sane by the end of this attachment. All I want to do now is just sleep the day away. Props to people who want to be a GP...don't think I have the patience/tolerance to be one. Need to desperately find a way this weekend to pick myself back up or else I won't be able to bring myself in to the practice on Monday.

Difficulty of Going Backwards.

So I've had a week of lectures...which to be fair weren't too intense. They weren't 9-5 lectures so I can't really complain. Ever since January, I feel like I have made leaps and bounds in terms of progression in clinical experience. In paediatrics, I hardly did any clinical skills and was in a small group for my placement. I had a partner with me for all clinics and was never really on my own. Didn't really even see patients on my own either. Then we get to Obs and Gynae...slowly venturing out a bit and being a bit more independent. Still in a small group on my placement, BUT I didn't have a partner to go with to clinic/theatre. I was actually scared to be on my own as I have never really been to clinic on my own and you get all these thoughts of: "Ahh no one to bail me out when the consultant asks me a question." I actually really enjoyed going to clinics on my own as you get to chat with the consultant more and it isn't as daunting for patients to have two students watching/sitting in. I definitely started becoming more independent on placements and started being more proactive in guiding my learning.

Then my last placement in orthopaedics. It was the first time I ever attended a placement on my own. I have always been in a small group. Funny enough my first concern was: "Who the heck is going to eat lunch with me?!" I am definitely not a fan of eating on my own as it is painfully boring. I like to talk during my lunch as I eat quite quickly so talking helps me slow down. I can easily scoff down lunch in 5-10 minutes and I end up taking extremely short lunch breaks. Luckily, due to my half-days I was able to go home to eat so I didn't have to sit in a cafeteria eating on my own and staring off into space. When I did have to eat lunch at the hospital I was usually with my consultant/registrar so we all ate together. But yeah my independence was really tested in this placement as everything I did was all "me". No one to fall back on. No one to rely on. No one to catch your mistakes...other than the consultant. Went to see new patients on my own and do full examinations on my own..then presented to my supervisor. If you had asked me to do that in my paeds placement...I wouldn't be confident enough to do it. I guess that's one thing with being dropped in the deep end. Got to learn quick and deal with it quickly. To be honest it did help that my supervisor is probably one of the nicest people I have ever met so I knew if I made a mistake I wouldn't get a full blown telling off/humiliation. It was also nice that I actually got to do things during my placement such as see patients, do examinations, assist in surgery, etc.


Now...sitting in lectures on a very hard plastic seat (even the clinic chairs are more comfy) in a small tutorial room...painful. I was talking to my friends and they kept saying it was nice to have a relaxed week of just sitting around and doing nothing but listen. I actually struggled this week. I may not be the hardest working medical student...but I hate sitting around. Especially with my last 2 placements where I was actually being productive and learning loads on placement...I am actually a bit sick of sitting in lectures and listening to one person talk about the same subject for 2-3 hours. Also got my induction pack for my next placement (GP) and the first thing I read: "Patients should not be seen by medical students who are on their own. Medical students will be supervised at ALL times." I'm totally looking forward to GP now...so excited that I'm bouncing off the walls (sarcasm). I really really hope that the package is a bit outdated and my GP will let me go see patients on my own and do some examinations. It's weird getting so much independence and responsibilities...and suddenly being stripped from all of it and back to holding hands. If this is the case...wow this is going to be a shock to the system.