The End of Another Placement.

Seriously cannot believe it has been 6 weeks. It literally blew by. I didn't think it would as I wasn't particularly busy and I had quite a few day offs as well (bank holidays, etc). My friends said that you cannot find a happier medical student on placement than me. I will admit, the placement started off quite slow...but once it got going...I truly truly truly did not want it to end. It's the first specialty where I could see myself work in as a career. Before starting, I was a bit hesitant as ever since I knew I wanted to do medicine, I wanted to do orthopaedics. I had very high hopes for it. Obviously I was very excited to start the placement, but there was a bit of doubt in the back of my mind. These 6 weeks could either make or break this specialty for me. I was actually scared that I will end up not liking orthopaedics...and actually hating it.

Luckily, orthopaedic surgery is just like how I imagined it to be. I was genuinely happy. It's the first placement where I enjoyed everything about the specialty. I enjoyed the surgeries. I enjoyed being on the ward (which was minimal to be fair). And I can't believe I am saying this but I enjoyed clinic. Everything clicked for me. I never struggled waking up to go to this placement. I had 8am meetings to go to (where I had to wake up at 6am) and I never struggled. If this was any other specialty and was told to go to an 8am meeting...I can guarantee you I would struggle and would probably turn up late or maybe even miss it. I was actually motivated to work hard in this placement. I didn't work hard because my supervisor was strict/I was scared of him...I actually worked hard because I enjoyed the specialty. I felt no pressure to work hard...actually my supervisor kept telling me to take it easy and made it very free. It was all down to me. There were times where I wished I was in more.

This was probably the most flexible and easy going placement I have had this year, but this is easily the one placement where I have learned the most. I had lots of fun, but also learned a lot of useful things. I am so lucky to have a supervisor who is really good with teaching and letting me progress. You all probably remember me having great praises for my last O&G placement and that it has set a very high bar. This orthopaedic placement just blew through that bar. I mean I knew it was going to be hard to have more fun and more responsibilities than my last placement, but wow this placement was fantastic. I have nothing but good things to say. I got to scrub in. I assisted in surgery. I learned how to suture and help close up. I saw patients in clinic on my own and got to examine them. I got to start and finish an audit project. I really could not ask for more. I don't even think I could do much more.

Today started out like any other day. Early meeting and then to morning clinic. Usual banter in the meeting...lots of good laughs and teasing. I took up my usual spot at the back of the room against the cabinet. Then off to clinic. Busy clinic as usual. Saw new patients on my own. Did the usual. I'm sure no one knew it was my last day because everything was going like it was just another day of my placement. Patient by patient...the note pile got smaller and smaller. Clinic was coming to an end. Next thing I knew my supervisor was signing my feedback form off. Had a bit of a chat about the placement and then a solid handshake. To be honest it was tough to leave. I wasn't sick of the placement yet. Just wasn't ready for it to end already. Every day when we finish and before I leave, I always crack a: "When am I seeing you next?" It was weird not to say that as I was heading for the door. I didn't even know what to say as I left. I think all I kept saying was "thank you" as I dragged my feet out the door. Even now...I'm absolutely gutted this placement is over. Feels like someone shot me out from cloud 9. Next week is going to be tough. Back to lectures. Back to reality. Then on to GP and being cooped up in a clinic from 9-5. No surgeries. Not in a hospital environment. Going to be out of my element. Hurts just to think about it. Should be a crime to enjoy a placement so much.  Genuinely loved this placement. Entered placement as one of the happiest medical student you can find to probably the most gutted one at the moment. What a contrast. Just shows you how much I enjoyed this placement.

Too slack?!

Some of you have probably noticed that I am back from holiday due to my recent post. Anyways you must be thinking what placement I must be on. Essentially we get 6 weeks where we can either design our own placement or select a project that the school offers. Most of you probably know that I am interested in Orthopaedics, so I designed my own placement and have chosen to spend 6 weeks in Orthopaedics. So far...well so far I haven't really done much as my supervisor has been taking quite a few annual leaves. I've been in for about 3 days in the last 2 weeks. I've been to 2 clinics, which were quite good. My supervisor is quite good at teaching so I'm definitely learning lots...just wish I was in more often. Yes I am whining about not having enough to do. It doesn't help that my last placement was quite busy (in from 9am to at least 5pm every day). Now I'm in for a half day here and there. I got 1 theatre day which was alright. For the first surgery I didn't get to scrub in because the nurses didn't realize I was attached to the consultant and no one helped me scrub in. For the rest of the list I got to scrub in and it was definitely interesting. Looked ridiculous though fully decked out in gear as in Orthopaedics they are quite anal about cleanliness as they want to prevent infections. If the patient gets an infection, the only way of curing it is to take the implant out so we all want it to go successfully. No one wants to go under the knife more than once. My supervisor was really good at getting me involved though. I mean scrubbing in was already good enough but my supervisor also let me use the drill, hammer, etc. It definitely put a smile on my face and I really enjoyed it. I also got to learn how to stitch (finally) and I got to help close up at the end of surgery.

Anyways there isn't much to post about unfortunately as I haven't actually had a proper full week yet. It's quite frustrating. I'm actually keen to do some work and stuff, but I haven't even really touched base with my supervisor so I hardly know what is going on. I mean I've gotten to know the registrar which is good, but with going into theatre, the consultants are generally quite picky about having students in and I haven't had a chance to meet all the consultants on the team yet. Really difficult to keep my motivation up to go into placement at the moment. A bit disappointed as well, but once my supervisor gets back I'm sure everything will get going again (I hope).

Highlight of my Placement.

It is now the end of week 4 of my placement. 3 more weeks to go. To be honest...these last few weeks have been going by quite quickly. Even the doctors on the ward agree that these last few weeks have blown by. Now 4 weeks in....I'm really feeling a part of the team. We are all starting to get to know each other better so there's a lot more banter going on and joking around, which I really enjoy.  Despite this, there are still a lot of up and downs during this placement. There are days where there's a lot going on, and then there are days where you start asking yourself why did you even come in.

Wednesday could have been easily the highlight day of my entire placement. This day also came at a perfect time as it's halfway into the placement and it really gave me a good boost. Every one noticed that I was in a very good mood on Wednesday and actually had a bit of spark in me. Found out that there was some paediatric surgery going on in the morning and I decided I needed a change of scenery. Heard the consultant surgeon apparently looks fairly stern (cue heart sinking) and no one could pronounce his name. Got changed into greens (oh I missed them soooooo much) and heard that surgery is delayed as the patient hasn't arrived yet. Sat in the coffee room and there was only one doctor in there (who looked kind of stern) and I figured he was the surgeon I will be following in the morning. It was fairly awkward in the room as we just sat in silence and watched a tv show. Few minutes later he got up and I shortly followed behind him and hope it didn't seem like I was stalking him. Saw the surgical list before going in and to my delight I found out he is a Paediatric Orthopaedic Surgeon.  Pretty sure I was smiling like an idiot at the list. Walked into the anaesthetic room and we did introductions and after the consultant introduced himself, I knew immediately he's a really nice guy. He asked me to help him out with setting up equipment and he seemed really keen to get me involved. Slowly my mood was picking up and I was really getting excited. He then allowed me to scrub in for one his surgeries (in grown toe nail). It was a really quick surgery but when a consultant asks you to scrub in, it makes you feel involved and you start to feel more included/less useless. You feel like you're actually helping. It's a hard feeling to describe.  Like during placement, especially early on, you feel unwanted and useless so when a doctor asks you to help even in a tiny little task, you get this good feeling/sense of satisfaction.

Anyways during a break in between surgeries, the consultant and I had a chat and he noticed that I seemed quite keen about surgery. It was cool having a casual chat with the surgeon and I told him I'm interested in orthopaedics. We had a really good talk about the specialty and then he told me to go to the Trauma list in the afternoon. Saw a fracture reduction + internal fixation and it was easily the bloodiest surgery I have ever seen, yet oddly enough, the one I enjoyed the most...ever. Even a few times I questioned myself as I caught myself smiling during surgery. I was really interested and I found the surgery pretty cool. There was a surgical trainee who was observing and he talked me through the surgery. The surgery was fairly complicated, but I was genuinely absorbing everything the trainee was saying. I was following along without difficulty and I just had this good feeling inside me. I think the hardest part about the surgery was wearing the lead aprons for 2.5 hours as there was a mobile xray machine in the room. Xrays were periodically taken to make sure the plate was in the right position and if the screws were placed properly. My back was killing me by the end of surgery (as I've been in surgery all day and almost all the procedures I had to wear a lead apron). But the aching legs and back was totally worth it. I could easily say it has been the best time I've had in surgery. The morning procedures were fairly simple, yet I still really enjoyed my time. It's quite weird.

"Be back by 4pm" said the registrar when I stopped by the ward to grab my bag for lunch. It was now 5:30pm and I was still in surgery watching the surgeon close up. He made stitching seem so effortless and simple, but I guess if you've been doing it for 20 something years, it'll become second nature.  I was in no hurry to leave theatre. To be honest, I didn't want to leave. My bleep went off twice and I knew I should get going. The consultant and I had a chat after surgery and he said throughout the surgery he noticed me looking very interested/keen. I don't think I have ever really heard any doctor tell me I look keen. To be honest, most of the time I probably look like I'm not even there. The consultant also said he was fairly impressed that I didn't get sick as he agreed it was a very bloody/gruesome surgery.  He asked when will I join him again in theatre or pop by his clinic as he said he wouldn't mind me around, especially if I'm interested in the specialty. Again I got this weird feeling of actually being wanted. Usually consultants don't want to deal with students, but this consultant seemed interested/keen to teach me.

Dragged my feet back to the ward and everyone was commenting how I look alive for once and happy. To be fair, I was very happy. I was definitely motivated. I can't wait to go back to theatre next week/hopefully I'll be able to escape to theatre. What a great day. Will never forget the last surgery of the day.

5 More Days.

So yesterday it finally set in...the sense of impending doom - exam is just around the corner. It has been a very tough revision period. It was particularly hard to muster up some motivation as it is quite weird to have an exam so soon (as I just had an exam in May). I think I'm still recovering from May's exam - it was brutal/traumatizing. Horrible experience.

I've spent about 6 weeks revising now, and I feel like I haven't really learned anything, which is an unsettling feeling. Worst bit is that no matter how much I study/revise, I am not going to know everything. That's the thing with Medicine, it's just a bottomless pit of knowledge. Give me another month, I'd still find something to study. Went to look at specimen papers earlier today - had a semi-realization. No book will teach you how to pass a clinical year exam. It seriously is common sense. I mean I went through a whole paper and I was like "...nothing I've studied has been asked." Then I realized clinical questions is the application of knowledge. Take the basics and apply it to the question. No book will teach you how to diagnose. It is a matter of taking what you know and putting it together to form an answer...like a puzzle. After 2 years of medical sciences, you forget that Medicine isn't about 2+2 = 4. It's more abstract and requires critical thinking and pattern recognition. And then I kept flipping through the specimen and seriously some of the questions they ask really deserves a fat: "What...?" And then you look up the answer in a textbook and find the answer in tiny fonts as a footnote at the bottom of a page. Seriously think some questions are put into exams just so it's impossible to get 100%. If anyone ever gets 100% in our exams I will personally go to them and bow to them. Then again I forgot how disliked my year is in the medical school so I'm pretty sure there will be questions on the exam where you just want to pick up the paper and throw it at someone.

Anyways...looking forward to end of exams and at the same time I am scared out of my mind for this year's exam. Ugh. ALMOST THERE!

Reality.

So I've been back for just over a week now and have started lectures. These lectures have literally made me question why I am studying Medicine. It has been a horrible week. 9am - 5pm lectures. I can fly back to Canada in that time period! I do not know what is going on with my medical school...but 9-5 lectures do not work. No one can concentrate for that long. I really have to admit it was tough. Not only was it tough, but I was dealing with jet lag so my days felt like weeks. I actually thought time had stopped as my days were going by so slowly.

All these lectures actually made me lose focus of my ultimate goal: to be a doctor. I was struggling to find my footing and was not motivated at all. I mean I have definitely found my footing again after having a good rest during the weekend. Yesterday I had Diabetes Teaching which was more interactive and practical. Definitely lifted my spirits and gave me a bit of motivation. I'm sure once placements come around again I will be inspired and motivated again.

After talking to a few good friends, I feel a bit better. One of my friends pointed out that I never give up in anything I do and giving up Medicine is not an option. And you know what, she is right. I never give up and I am not prepared to give up now. I'm halfway through my degree and it can only get better. Just need to put my head down and power through these lectures and assignments. I had a passion for medicine and when I really think about it - I still have a passion for it. There were some sparkles of hope today during our practical session and tomorrow I will be seeing diabetic patients. I am actually excited so I know my passion for medicine is still with me. Just need to get through 3 more days of lectures and I'll be back on the wards. I will be examined on my clinical skills soon so I'll be able to do some clinical skills on the wards. I just need to be patient and keep going.

You know while writing this post, it made me think. This is what medicine is about. Fighting adversity. Overcoming challenges. Pick yourself up and keep moving. On the wards - you will face challenges. You will have to make difficult decisions. There will always be ups and downs throughout your career and you have to learn how to deal with them. These days have been long and will only get longer when I become a doctor. Time to get used to it. This is reality.